There are a few things I’ve learned to take into consideration when it comes to homework time and why the tantrum is happening.
Routine: Establishing a homework routine is an important part of having parent/child cooperation. Having a set time and a set homework space each day puts your child in the mindset that when that time arrives, he or she must do homework. When there is no routine established, it automatically sets up resistance for bringing out the school books. Children don’t like to be interrupted in their free time to be called back to do homework. In fact, very few people like to be interrupted when they’re having fun to get back to work.
Competency: Does your child perceive himself as being competent to complete his homework, or does he believe it's too difficult? When a task is perceived as too difficult, frustration sets in and the ability to think through the task leaves. The focus is on how much he can't do the homework versus his ability to get the work done. In this situation, a parent can point to past experience when the child has succeeded and expressed confidence he can succeed again. Expressing ongoing encouragement as he works on the homework is usually necessary to help him complete the task. Sometimes competency to complete an assignment comes about because children lack information. Review the assignment to see if clarification is needed and resolve it by communicating with the teacher. Some teachers email back immediately, allowing a child to complete the assignment that day, while other teachers take more time to respond. But making sure that the assignment is completed correctly the first time can be less frustrating to the child than having to redo the whole assignment again if it’s done incorrectly.
Homework time versus Free Time: Does your child perceive the task as too time-consuming? Perhaps the homework isn’t difficult, but rather time-consuming, eating into her free time after a very long day at school. This still creates a great deal of frustration and can impede your child’s ability to focus on the homework when all she can think about is how the homework is going to “take forever!” In some cases, the homework won’t take as long as she believes it will. You can help reframe the perception, walking your child through the task to establish a practical estimated time frame for how long the homework will take. In other cases, there really is a considerable amount of homework as work can come from multiple classes, giving your child a valid reason to feel frustrated about having very little free time left in the day. In this situation, you can help structure homework time with breaks in between work sessions. Consider the possibility of rewarding your child with additional time at the end of the day for focusing on homework and getting it completed.
Deep Breathing: When having a temper tantrum, it’s hard to focus on any kind of work that requires you to think. A great way to calm down and get back into thinking mode is to take some deep breaths. With your child, do some deep breaths together, breathing slowing while also counting slowly in your head: Count to four as you breathe in through your nose, and count to four as you breathe out through your mouth. Deep breaths help relax your body. Counting helps to slow your breathing down as well as focus your thoughts on something other than the frustration.
Homework Evaluation: If overly long homework sessions are a regular part of your child’s day, you might have to evaluate whether the amount of homework is too much. Check the school district homework policy to discover how much homework should be a part of your child’s day according to age. If your child is doing too much compared to what is listed in the district policy, then contact your child’s teacher and school administrators about your concerns and see if homework modifications need to be made. Also, keep in mind that the frustration your child is experiencing with homework may be an underlying sign of other concerns.